Puro Pedo Magazine

LOS ANGELES – At 3:05 pm today, Chabelo was pronounced alive. ALIVE! How is that even possible, you might ask? I watched Chabelo as a kid and even then, he looked at least 90. So how was it that, almost 30 years later, he was still alive? Crazier still, I was assured he was only 75. His representatives from Televisa assured me that, in fact, Xavier López, better known as “Chabelo”, is still actively working after more than 50 years in show business.

No fucking way!

A quick check on Wikipedia confirmed their story. López was born on February 17, 1935 in the Mexican town of Chicago, Illinois. Damn, he really is 75. Unless, of course, that’s what they WANTED me to believe. I checked Televisa’s website for proof. There it was… a new episode of En Familia con Chabelo was scheduled to air this Sunday! This was all way too “convenient.”

Then, it struck me. CHICAGO?!? Dude was born in Chicago??? Unless… unless they got sloppy. Clearly this had to be a mistake… a mistake made during a COVER UP! Oh I was on to them. Somebody wanted Chabelo alive and I wanted answers.

Who could stand to gain from his life? Televisa? Wikipedia?!? And then…BAM! There it was. GANSITOS! Yes, those delicious little cream-filled pastries Chabelo had been advertising for years on his show! I got hooked on those things since I was a kid and it was all because of Chabelo. Gansitos, for those unfortunate to not have tasted these delights, are, essentially, Twinkies with a decadent strawberry filling, wrapped in tasty milk chocolate. They are simply to die for, or in this case, to LIVE for.

I went to the local Gansito distribution center and stormed my way into the manager’s office, Wikipedia printout in hand. I slammed my fist down on his desk and before I could unleash my tirade, he calmly said, “I know why you’re here. Chabelo. But before you say another word, try a Gansito. Here, let the warm chocolate melt in your mouth as you take your first soft bite. Delicious, yes?”

Well, he certainly convinced me! Chabelo is alive and Gansitos are delicious!

In case you don’t remember how to do these:

1. Download the high res version (800×978 pixels) by clicking on the image above
2. Print your copy
3. Grab a friend and a pen
4. Fill it out
5. Read aloud
6. Laugh
7. Share with more friends!