Puro Pedo Magazine

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Hogwarts to Open Charter School of Wizardry in Boyle Heights

After years of rumors and speculations, Hogwarts School of Wizardry and the Ministry of Magic announced Wednesday that they will be partnering with LAUSD in opening a new wizardry magnet charter school in the Boyle Heights area. Muggle Mayor of Los Angeles Antonio Villaraigosa shared his excitement at the announcement during a press conference. “We are all excited here in the great City of Los Angeles to host such a fine institution of Wizard education. We just hope we don’t destroy this school like we have with every other school in our district.” LAUSD superintendent Ramon C. Cortines was also delighted by the announcement adding “I don’t practice Santeria; I ain’t got no crystal ball. If I had a million dollars I’d spend it all on this fine school of wizardry.”

Due in large part to a recent ordinance passed through LAUSD, private organizations are able to take over a failing schools and turn them into charter schools. Even though charter schools are “under LAUSD” they are still very much independent. This gives Hogwarts many of the freedoms they need to turn out so many fine wizards and protect their students from “he who shall not be named”.

There have already been rumors swelling that the school will be named The Cesar Chavez School of Wizardry. Sources close to the school say that Headmaster Albus Dumbledore has already tapped Walter Mercado as the principle of the new school. Defense against the dark arts professor Severus Snape is eager to see the new school open up, “For too long muggles have been failing our gifted wizard students. It’s time we step in and revive wizard education in Los Angeles”. Local families rushed to get their children’s applications submitted to the admission lottery upon hearing of the free meal program and on campus housing. Ground breaking is expected in Early September.

In true MEChA fashion, we’re late…

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