Puro Pedo Magazine

“F*ck the GOP and the click they claim!” announced President Barack Obama. In a stunning move that has left many speechless the President has announced that he has appointed Professor Griff and the S1W’s as his new personal security force as erratic behavior from the Right continues to grow. The decision was made shortly after President Obama’s health care address where Republican representative Joe Wilson shouted “you lie” and other Republicans exhibited disruptive behavior during the President’s speech. “I gave them all the chances in the world to get their act together. I didn’t want to have to get ghetto on their asses but it was time to put these fools in check!” stated President Obama.

The S1W, headed by Professor Griff, became part of the hip hop group Public Enemy in the mid 80’s. Trained in martial arts and guerrilla warfare the S1W are known for their aggressively militant presence due in part to their black military uniforms and replica Uzi submachine guns while performing with Public Enemy. The name “Security of the First World” implies that Africans are not inherently Third World people and are rather First World people as they were the first people to inhabit earth. Chuck D of Public Enemy explains that the Uzis were a symbolic reaction to European oppression against black people.

After only one week of service the S1W are already drawing criticism of their torture tactics on Republicans, such as water boarding and sleep deprivation. According to Professor Griff “It’s about time the Republicans face our ‘Def’ Panels.” The White house is already talking of bringing in either the Brown Berets or Harmony Keepers to keep order in the Southwest states.

By Jake Prendez and Ralph de Unamuno